Anxiety

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I knew that yesterday would catch up with me, even if I didn’t know how. We were out walking around stores for a few hours, which is going to take its toll. I forgot to take my meds until late, which always risks ruining my sleep. I was relieved when I woke up feeling mainly human-shaped.

So of course, it didn’t last.

It was a combination of silly little things, but that’s all it takes to cause an anxiety spike. And honestly, I think that’s probably going to be the thing that kills me by giving me a heart attack or something; anxiety spikes very literally cause me physical pain and distress. And because of that, it takes what feels like ages to come down from. I eventually did, but the damage is still done. Even if the rest of the day has been pretty solid, I’m physically weaker and poorer off for it. Tomorrow will hopefully be better. It probably will. My meds do what they’re supposed to do, which is to get my moods into ‘normal’//’healthy’ boundaries. They do that. But even the most robust person is gonna have off times, so.

On the up side, it makes having to pull my knitting out a lot less annoying! I was less than 20 rows in on this sleeve, but I realised I’d forgotten all about the increases. Adding to the annoyance is that my hands feel like they’re in gloves level of stiffness, and I am not really happy to have to rework the ribbing (the part my hands were disliking the most). But it’s fine, really. It’s only seven rows, and I’ve done five of them. I had hoped to make more significant progress on the knitting today, but I made myself put worrying about that to the side so I didn’t, you guessed it, feed the anxiety spike into becoming a cycle of ’em. I don’t have the time or energy for that, ha ha.

Well, the kids are in bed, and my brain keeps wandering off, so I shall follow it.

<3

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