Oh, For Fuck’s Sake

I love it when I start a blog, and then fall off the face of the planet. Oh wait, except not. ¬¬

If you read this blog, then you probably know me from elsewhere on the net. You probably know that I have Bipolar II and a raft of its Uncaring Cousins™®. You may know that my main med has been the wrong fucking versions for the past half a year because a doctor lied about it and had me switch away from the one that’s been helping me for years. But you might not know what this all means in a practical sense.

Cripple Life

Here’s the thing — I am pretty much housebound. I almost never leave. I can count on one hand how many times I leave the house in an average month. I am mainly fine with this, and have set up a very comfortable nest area for me to be in. I am not very productive in the typical sense, because between chronic fatigue and executive dysfunction, I manage only the most basic in self-care for me and the littlest during the day. I’m not ashamed or anything — this is where I am and what I have to work with, and I do the best I can.

So of course, a lot of what I am good at are things I can do at my desk. I write, I knit, I game, and man I can make it look like I am on top of the world with this shit most of the time… as long as my mood is stable. So when I go half a year with increasingly severe returning depression… blogging? What’s that? Words are too hard through the haze of ((insert metaphor for ultimate suckage and fog here)).

Seriously Not Impressed

You see, I’ve still not 100% decided what I want to do with this blog. I’m annoyed because I had an idea when I launched it, but I’ve not been able to go with it for various reasons. A part of me thinks about making it a daily to go with my other two (one private, one super-locked Livejournal), but snarkier, more opinionated, and with a lack of concern for f-bombs. But I don’t know that anyone wants to read that either. Not that that last bit bothers me — as I tell any of my friends who blog, write for your fucking self. If anyone else reads it and gets something for it, then bully.

So yeah, I live. Sort of. Getting there. Hopefully I’ll get into the habit of having opinions here in the nearest future, because I really want to and I’m really freaking annoyed that it’s not been happening.