Today has been a mix of a day. I had a bad anxiety spike late morning and had to go hide upstairs for a bit to calm down. And then talk to Z about it, and apologise that my knee-jerk response is still problematic. Mind, I kept most of that inside and talked about how it almost came out; I will do better than the environment I was raised in, and beating those tendencies are high on the list. I made sure to clarify and validate — even if it was in response to something he was doing, that didn’t make it his fault. Brains are just yanno, pure garbage sometimes.
And of course, it made me think about relationships in general. As I said to Z earlier, I cannot understand why anyone would stay in a long-term relationship that doesn’t inspire them to be a better person. Obviously, that’s only referring to people who aren’t trapped by situations, which I know — it’s a lot of people. But just like… I’m becoming my best self for me, for us, as is he, and it means that our relationship continues to work and flourish.
Past that, just being post-dinner dozy and vaguely knitting on the side of gaming. Is good.