Her Name was Ulla
This is the second death amongst the Bipolaratti that I’ve known/heard about in the last couple of weeks, and that’s hard. Even if these people weren’t my BFFs, they were people who I knew and who were on the same field of battle. They were real people living real lives, maybe lives more encumbered than the average neurotypical person would want to consider, but still full of meaning and validity. I know firsthand that the battle against bipolar and depression, so I don’t know why I’m surprised when a comrade is lost along the way. I guess I hold onto some naive hope that we’ll all get the treatment that we need and be able to have the tools we need to not succumb to the darkness. Alas (and again, speaking firsthand), exiting stage right makes more sense sometimes than staying on for another act, another scene. It’s *hard* at the best of times, as bipolar is a stone-cold killer. The few suicide attempts I’ve had over the years have kind of sprung up out of nowhere, a very ‘brb need to die now’. It didn’t matter what I had ‘to live for’, or if it was ‘selfish’… by the way, it is NEVER selfish and check your shit if you think it is.
The knitting continues along slowly but surely. I need to wind up the next skein into a cake… I should probably do that as soon as I finish here, since I’m thinking about it. If I remember that I said I was going to do that. The ADHD shit is just over the top lately and I am having a hard time remembering things. Anyways, it’ll be nice to finish this scarf and get everything mailed off. Then I only have a shawl to finish, and a shirt that I have apparently misplaced. I up until this year have been pretty good at keeping myself having only one or two projects on the go. Vacation sort of threw me off with wanting to get a shawl made, not getting a shawl made, and so on. Plus, if I get everything clear and organised before Christmas, then I can start the cycle of crafting again. Most of my projects were funded by my in-laws giving me birthday-Christmas money, and while everyone says I’m a pretty quick knitter, those monies pretty much funded a year of knitting with a few to-ups here and there. Well. I’m saying that with three months and change of the year left, so. Maybe that means I’ll do some stash busting? We’ll see.
Right, I go now.