Meal With a View

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There is a place near to ours that I have wanted to go to lunch at pretty much since I moved here. Today was finally that day, and what a day for a view. And I am most sincere in that — it was very pretty in a bleak sort of way, which is fitting with it being winter and all. We had a nice meal, we had a nice chat, and then we came back home via Z’s parents’ house.

There is a part of me that feels like I should be reflecting on the past year, especially with it being roundabout my birthday and all. It’s not been the easiest year, especially with my physical health taking a nosedive and chronic fatigue pretty much completely conquering me. That has been understandably frustrating and limiting. I don’t mind that I need a walking stick to get around — I am not shamed by needing a mobility aid to make the most of my limited spoonage. But it and the increase of executive dysfunction that comes with it means that I am not able to be very useful around the house, which is frustrating. Z is awesome and does so much for myself and the girls, and I don’t think it’s fair that I can’t do more to support that. I don’t beat myself up for it either, but I do acknowledge it.

Mentally, I came to terms with more things in the shape of my brain. My ADHD referral, though reputedly approved, still hasn’t come through — but that it was made is almost as good as a diagnosis in the silly setup that it has to go through. Unfortunately, that doesn’t come with meds to help improve my situation, so having the implicit diagnosis only goes so far. Still, I have hopes that will eventually get sorted out. There are other bits in my brain that I have come to terms with and will self-name that will almost assuredly never get diagnosed for a myriad of reasons (primarily due to age and perceived gender). But I can make some degree of peace with that, because the mere knowing enables me to better understand and love myself.

Mainly though, I just did my best to enjoy my life and my family. My relationship with Z is as strong as ever 11 years on, and we continue to rather cheesily love each other that bit more every day. The girls have grown and thrived and continue to develop into interesting individuals. They both love school, and have made good friends. They are kind and mainly considerate, and empathetic to a degree that would put most adults to shame. Also sort of cheesy in sentiment — I’m grateful every day that I get to be a part of their lives.

I could probably go on, but let’s be real — I’m cutting into my birthday gaming time. Those rifts ain’t gonna clear themselves, ha ha. xD

<3

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