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One of my least redeeming features is when my anxiety pushes past the point of reason. There is a very good chance that I will start screaming and throwing things and just generally flipping out because of the level of mental and physical distress it puts me in. Between a needy toddler and a shouty cat, I kind of started veering into that danger zone massively. I managed to restrain it to shouting at the cat once or twice (seriously she is loud and persistent when she gets going), and otherwise just trying to breathe while I counted down the minutes until I had some backup.

So of course, this would be the day Z doesn’t get home until the latest possible point. I mumbled a ‘Tag, you’re it’ and hid under my bathrobe, head thumped on the desk. Normally, this would be the part where my fleas take over and go super-cutting, ’cause the only way I can get ‘satisfaction’ is to lash out. I didn’t. I leaned on R to grumble about things on chat, took a few minutes hiding under the robe, then had a productive chat with Z. I apologised anyways in case I came out meaner than I thought I did, ’cause it’s not his fault. And he knows that, but that doesn’t change the fact it had potential to hurt.

All of that… fun… aside, I guess it’s been a productive day. I was reminded when I logged into the work system that it was the end of a month, so got stuck into sorting out the few year ends that were sitting there waiting. Two of the four got done. One is sitting there making no sense, while the last i require some guidance on before finishing. We’ll see what D in the office has to say about them, and hopefully I can see them done and dusted tomorrow and return to trying to clean up the languishing mess that is my day-to-day stuff that March punched in the taco. It’s fine though, it’s fine. The first couple months of the year are the busiest time for us, and having ‘survived’ it means that things should settle down… for me, at least. Having said that, I hope that I can get caught up soon and then make myself available to help everyone else out.

What else, what else… oh yes! I stopped to chat to the nursery teacher today to see how Littler was doing. She’s already making friends and playing well with other children, so that’s good. I didn’t expect for her to have any problems, but it’s always good to double check.

Right, I’m off to knitting tonight, so wrapping this up to eat dinner and get packed up.

<3

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